New journal, new me.

 

I bought a brand new moleskin journal this week and it was quite possibly the highlight of my week. I am a very simple person.

For the past year I have been increasingly methodical and consistent in my writing and I found myself reading through my words, marveling at the progression in my thinking and my attitude towards God. It really was quite striking to me.

When I write (well at least for this past year), I try to make it a reflection piece on my daily reading of the word of God. I write about what I read and how I think it applies to my life. I write about my frustrations and unanswered prayers. I write reminders for myself to pray and what or who to pray for. I write about personal character struggles, using the word to try and mark out a spirit led action plan to overcome them. For instance, last week I was struggling with jealousy. I was very jealous of someone (actually there were more than one) and I wrote about it. I then made a plan to pray a prayer of blessing for the people I was jealous of. I didn’t do this because I am a good person, I did it because I am an awful one. This helped me to surrender this emotion to God. By praying for them, I was telling God I didn’t want to be controlled by the sinful emotion anymore and He could take it from me.

As I read my old journal, re-lived all of the memories, lamented over my sad moments and laughed at some of the really ridiculous ones; one thing was very clear to me. There is such a difference in my attitude and thinking from the beginning of the journal to the very last page. In the beginning, I had a lot of doubts about the relevancy of the word of God for my life, but now, my writing reflects a personal confirmation that the word of God applies to every emotion, desire and struggle I am faced with.

In the beginning I lacked confidence in God but now, my writing reflects a personal stand in Him. God has been so faithful to me. He has taught me. He has blessed me immensely and He has taken control over my life.

The Bible is filled with verses that confirm my current state of mind. In Philippians 1:6, God promises that when He starts something in you, He is faithful to complete it. In James 4:8, God promises to draw near to those who come near to Him. He promises to grow us continually, using whatever means necessary to get us to have life and have it abundantly.

I am in a very uncertain part of my life, but I have such peace. I am beginning to understand why God promises us peace that passes all understanding – it is because through Him, we can be secure and at rest even when it doesn’t make sense to be.

Peace.

I had a conversation with someone this week who said to me: “I’m OK, but I don’t have peace… well your peace at least. I want your peace.” That comment will certainly go down in my personal history as one of the most encouraging and beautiful things anyone has every said to me.

I am in awe of God, I pray that anyone reading this would be too.

I have had conversations with people who have asked me things like – “how do you get into the Bible? Should I read a verse a day? Is a devotional enough?”

Honestly, I don’t know.

I know what works for me.

I started off trying to read as much as I could (on average 4-5 chapters a day) and that was a bit of a disaster for me as I wasn’t meditating on it. I was reading it dutifully rather than passionately or with any reverence. But when you begin to meditate on the word of God, you begin to realize that it is literally the voice of God speaking into your life. You build an unfathomable reverence for it. If your not meditating on it then it just becomes a piece of literature that you can enjoy, but not understand or see the importance of.

Meditation means less content at a time, so I found myself reading a chapter a day. The interesting thing is a chapter a day (even when I was just meditating on it) was not enough. I desire God’s word in a way that I can’t really describe or explain. My day is incomplete, stressful and haphazard when I don’t have it. But that is something that God built in me. The main point is God will grow whatever you come to Him with.

Don’t try to impress Him with your studentship, He is God. Don’t try to make yourself ‘right’ to get into the word, that really is quite pointless – He is God and you can only please Him through your faith, not your seemingly good actions or intents. They will get you nowhere with Him so stop trying to use them as an excuse.

Come in your weakness, in your failings, with your little understanding and let Him build you. He is faithful to do so.

Re-reading my journal, reliving my journey proves that to me.

I am building a nice little Bible collection too – you can never have enough. I find that a daily devotional verse somehow (not somehow, divinely) always compliments my chapter for the day – even when they are from completely different books in the Bible! Again, I really am in awe of God.

I do love getting all your messages and emails, so feel free to keep them coming. I don’t know much but I do know what God has done for me and I am happy to share that with anyone who is curious, searching, confused… whatever.

Have a blessed weekend folks.